Place

A place. How big or small, beautiful or usual one, far or near, and how much it changes — place is always there.

Few days ago, I had arrived at a place where couple minutes of conversation turned into collaboration.

I acknowledged him far more in college. His curly long hair made him popular and also looked scary. We never talked before back in college.

First hi took place when I joined his community activity. So many people but I was tired to talk, just threw a smile and hi. Weeks later, I met him again at a music event. He was bringing a pro camera and took photos. We greeted hi to each other and continue enjoying the music. The event was over, only few people left at that late night.

Both of him and I were about cultivated energy to go home. Hours of standing and watching music made us exhausted. We started conversation until we want to go home.

We about to know each other background, how our daily life is going on, and how he interest with the project I work for. The talk streamed as water on the river. We are like connected.

Exchanging numbers for further communication because my project needed his documentation of that event. I didn’t expect from giving photos turned into endless discussions.

We discuss anything that snapped in our head. Fast forward, we’re about to agree for collaboration with my project. It makes us had frequent communication.

As time passes, I trapped with comfortable issue. I’m the one who difficult to feel comfortable sharing which other. I have so many criteria to get along with someone. I give limitation when people try to come into my life if they’re not good enough.

I have no idea why it was easy to talk with him. He respects anything I talked about. Perspectives of social and the world are aligned with mine. Yet, his sense of humor somehow too serious or too funny.

At some point, I want him, to be mine. I want further relation rather than just partner of collaboration. My heart beats faster when he’s around. I can’t wait his reply on WhatsApp. I want to share everything with him.

Event to event, I observed that he has so many friends and always really kind and friendly. And this come to my mind, he just being kind and respect to me. Maybe he treats all his friend like he treats me. Maybe, this is just me who feel more that it should be.

Months after, my eyes catch him bring a girl for several events. Yet, he claimed her as friend but their gestures never lie. So, I step back. There’s no room left for me.

Two nights ago, we’re back at a place we started conversation for the first time. It’s been a half year. Things change. My feelings had been growing but it has to die. I have to stop to hope. And find the new comfortable one.

I wish nothing but the best for you. Always.

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